What goes in a sandwich? You may think whatever you please, and sure, you should have it your way, but some sandwiches are standard classics. Take the Reuben for example: a corned beef Swiss cheese thousand island dressing sauerkraut delicacy. The Philly Cheesesteak: cheese on steak on a long bread. Pretty hard to fuck these up, amirite? Depends on where you are. Sandwich idealism is shaky in the modern age, particularly in a place like New York, where boasts of "traditional" and "classic" dishes are mere adjectives to imply "delicious" and "worth the high price." Everything is fusion: Brazilian-Cuban, Japanese-Italian, Mexican-Chinese. What you end up with is a large and white square plate with a very, very small piece of square or rounded-off meat in the middle. The dish is either extremely sugary or doused in mayonnaise fat. This is not a bad thing. Things don't have to be traditional to taste good. Change is good etc. There's also a particular attitude which has become typical to New York. There are bartenders who expect you to tell them how to make a drink. I can't even tell you how many times I've ordered a Martini and the bartender asked me "What kind?" What do you mean what kind? A Martini is Gin and Vermouth (five to one) stirred in a mixer with ice cubes, then poured into a chilled cocktail glass. Then you add an olive, or in some cases a lemon peel. Bartenders expect me to run down this whole process for them. I wish they asked me to explain to them how to make a sandwich. I ordered a grilled cheese the other day and it came with jelly. Fine! Mix things up. Sometimes you don't need a recipe to make a good meal or drink. Sometimes it is better to innovate. But some things are great because of what their original recipe calls for.
The Cuban sandwich is a perfect sandwich. Here is what a Cuban sandwich calls for:
- a buttered loaf of cuban bread
- slow-roast pork
- ham
- Swiss cheese
- dill pickles
You can find this classic Cuban sandwich in most restaurants in Miami that serve Latin cuisine. Some places serve it better than others, but even a crappy Cuban sandwich is a good Cuban sandwich. It has become typical for your Cuban sandwich to be served to you with mustard, though some places still ask you. Certainly not a necessity to the sandwich, but delicious none-the-less.
Here is what a Cuban sandwich looks like:
- - - - - -
I stopped skateboarding when I was fourteen. I sold my skateboard for eight dollars when I was twenty-two. I'm longboarding with Emma Lee Mai in the warehouse area of Bushwick near the Morgan stop on the L. We turn left down Porter avenue and then left again onto Ingraham street. I see two white people come out of a hole in between warehouses. Café?
- - - - - -
Vicari wakes up hungover on a Sunday morning and invites me out to brunch. She asks me where I want to go. Let's go to the place I saw when I was out longboarding not too long ago.
Vicari's been after a monogamous man.
The man claims to be a polygamist. They went out the night before. Vicari tells me the man seemed flirtatious. He told her that his girlfriend wants to be exclusive, but that he wants to experiment with other people. We get to the restaurant.
Cuban Sandwich
The classic with Asiago cheese.
See what I mean by the word "classic" being meaningless in New York? Perhaps they are going to make me a classic cuban sandwich with added Asiago cheese. Does that mean it will come with Asiago cheese and Swiss cheese? Either way, already a bad sign when Vicari points at the item and laughs.
The man Vicari is after told her about a woman he cheated on his girlfriend with. He saw her recently and she was very aggressive with him. Then he took Vicari's hands and showed her how she rubbed his crotch. He recreated the crotch grabbing. He groped a grope. Then Vicari pulled out her phone and showed me a picture of the bracelet the man was wearing.
I feel sleepy and comfortable in a melting way. Vicari is waiting on eggs Benedict sipping on a mimosa and I'm well into two shots and beers. The atmosphere is pleasant. Light comes in through the windows but you don't feel exposed or naked, the bar being a few steps below ground-level. In the back there's a large space with art hanging on the walls.
THE SANDWICH arrives
BREAD: 0/10
MEAT: 6/10
CHEESE: 0/0
PICKLES: 5/10
MUSTARD: 4/0
LOCATION: 9/10
FINAL SCORE: 4/10
COMMENTS: I WANT TO MAKE IT VERY CLEAR THAT I DIDN'T GIVE THIS SANDWICH A ZERO BECAUSE OF THE LOCATION. I WOULD HAVE PROBABLY GIVEN IT A SEVEN IF IT WAS CALLED SOMETHING ELSE, BUT AS FAR AS A CUBAN SANDWICH GOES THIS IS DISAPPOINTING TO SAY THE LEAST. SCALLIONS? GIVE ME A BREAK BRO!
Look, it might be difficult to find Cuban bread in New York. This isn't South Florida. But then why try serving a Cuban sandwich? Why not make a Manhattan fusion sandwich, perhaps a fish fillet? If you want to use roast pork, ham, Asiago cheese, pickles, mustard, scallions and flat bread, why not call it:
THE BROOKLYN FIRE PROOF SANDWICH
"CLASSIC"
It's not a bad sandwich. In fact, I was more than satisfied with it. The Asiago cheese is delicious melted on top of the meat. I love this cheese! The flat bread was warm and soft, blended real well with the roast pork. And I have to admit that the scallions were a nice touch. I myself often include them in sandwiches I make at home. I'd say it's one of the best brunch sandwiches I've ever had. Not too heavy, like brunch should be, but definitely more filling than a waffle.
The flat bread is so soft and the cheese discrete in its cheesiness and melted to the point where it feels like a cloud or blanket on my tongue. I toss the pieces from cheek to cheek and bite tenderly and slowly. I could eat this thing forever. I'm in the mood.
But as far as Cuban sandwiches go, this is one of the worst offenders. Imagine you order a Margherita pizza and you get four cheeses on a deep dish pie. You order a hamburger and get a ham sandwich. It just doesn't cut it. I would like to stress once more that this is a wonderful restaurant and that I bet on their other items being delicious as well. You can't fix what ain't broke though.
Vicari interpreted the man's actions a bit differently than I did. I do agree with her that the man wants her. Wants to have sex on top of her. But does it necessarily have to be her?
She used to work with this man. It made things more complicated. The man is still with his girlfriend. If it's free love, which I think Vicari is into, it's not that risky. But the way she pines for him suggests there might be emotions involved. It's not desperate love, but there's definitely feelings involved.
The flat bread is so soft and the cheese discrete in its cheesiness and melted to the point where it feels like a cloud or blanket on my tongue. I toss the pieces from cheek to cheek and bite tenderly and slowly. I could eat this thing forever. I'm in the mood.
But as far as Cuban sandwiches go, this is one of the worst offenders. Imagine you order a Margherita pizza and you get four cheeses on a deep dish pie. You order a hamburger and get a ham sandwich. It just doesn't cut it. I would like to stress once more that this is a wonderful restaurant and that I bet on their other items being delicious as well. You can't fix what ain't broke though.
Vicari interpreted the man's actions a bit differently than I did. I do agree with her that the man wants her. Wants to have sex on top of her. But does it necessarily have to be her?
She used to work with this man. It made things more complicated. The man is still with his girlfriend. If it's free love, which I think Vicari is into, it's not that risky. But the way she pines for him suggests there might be emotions involved. It's not desperate love, but there's definitely feelings involved.
